The Communication Swaps that Change Everything in Dementia Care

“I want to go home.”

She says it from the recliner she’s napped in for 40 years, in the living room where she raised you. And you’re standing there thinking: you ARE home. Now what?

Welcome to dementia communication, where the old rules don’t work and nobody gave you the new ones. Let’s fix that.

Why Words Stop Working

Dementia doesn’t just steal memories. It rewires how your person processes language. Their processing speed is dial-up, and we’re all still moving at wifi. You ask a question, stack on a second one, add a “hurry, we’re late,” and their brain is still buffering sentence number one.

Add the broken frontal lobe, the part of the brain that filters what comes out of our mouths, and you get blunt comments, repeated questions, and conversations that loop like a scratched record. None of it is on purpose. All of it is the disease.

The good news: you can’t fix their brain, but you can change how you talk to it. And that changes everything.

Stop Correcting. Start Connecting.

Here’s the number one rule: never argue with their reality. You will lose every time, and so will they.

If your person with dementia says their mother is coming to visit, and their mother has been gone for 30 years, correcting them doesn’t orient them. It just makes them grieve her death like it’s brand new. That’s not honesty. That’s a fresh wound, delivered with good intentions.

Instead, step into their world and redirect:

Not that: “Mom died in 1995, remember?” Say this: “You love your mom so much. Tell me about her. Was she a good cook?”

You didn’t lie. You connected. That’s the art of redirection, and it works because compassion instead of correction is the whole game.

Decode the Feeling Under the Words

“I want to go home” is rarely about the house. It’s about a time, a feeling, a sense of safety. Home is where they felt needed, known, and in charge of their own life.

So skip the floor plan debate:

Not that: “You are home. Look, there’s your couch.” Say this: “You’re safe here with me. Tell me about home. What do you miss most?”

Then listen. Half the time, the answer tells you exactly what they need: comfort, purpose, or just your undivided attention for five minutes.

What to Say to Someone With Dementia: Shrink It Down and Slow It Down

Your person with dementia can follow you. They just need the scenic route.

• One thought per sentence. “Let’s eat lunch,” not “After we finish this, we’ll wash up, and then I thought we’d have lunch before your appointment.”
• Break tasks into single steps. “Stand up.” Then, “take my hand.” Then, “walk with me.”
• Give them time to answer. Count to ten in your head. Silence is them processing, not ignoring you.
• Ditch the pop quizzes. “Do you remember me?” sets them up to fail.

Not that: “Do you know who this is? You remember Sarah!” Say this: “Mom, your granddaughter Sarah is here. She loves visiting you.”

You just handed them the answer, and with it, their dignity.

When Words Fade, Energy Doesn’t

Here’s the thing I need you to hold onto for the later stages: your person with dementia may not remember your name, but they can feel your energy.

They light up when you walk in the room. They hum when you hold their hand. They smile when you sing the old songs. That’s communication. Your calm voice, your soft face, your unhurried hands say “you’re safe with me” louder than any sentence ever could.

So when the words run out, don’t stop talking to them. Sit close. Play their music. Hold their hand. You’re still having a conversation. It’s just written in a different language now.

You’re learning a whole new way to love someone, in real time, with no training and not enough sleep. That’s not failing. That’s remarkable.

You Don’t Have to Figure This Out Alone

These swaps are just the start. Inside Joanna’s Care Club, you get all 14 of my dementia trainings unlocked the day you join, including my full communication and redirection training with what to actually say in the hard moments. Plus a live training and Q&A with me every month, replays of everything, and a room full of people who actually get it.

And a little birthday gift from me: join for the year by August 31 and I’ll throw in my “Is it Time” Guide for free.

Join Joanna’s Care Club here.

💜 Joanna