If you are taking the shoes, socks, and pants all the way off just to change a brief, stop. You do not have to.
This week on my channels was Bathroom Care Week, and the messages I got told me everything: nobody teaches families this stuff. We are all just handed a person we love and expected to figure out the hardest, most private parts of caregiving on our own. So here are the biggest hacks from this week’s videos, all in one place.
The brief change that does not require undressing anyone
Most people think a brief change means shoes off, socks off, pants all the way down, and then dealing with the brief. That is a lot more time your person is exposed, cold, and uncomfortable. The longer that moment lasts, the more likely they are to get upset or start pushing you away, because embarrassment is one of the biggest triggers during bathroom help. Their brain reads a long, exposed moment as a threat.
Here is what I do instead, in two parts.
Getting the soiled one off: tear the sides of the brief away and slide it out. The pants and shoes stay on.
Getting the clean one on: have your person sit down (the toilet or the edge of the bed both work) and go one leg at a time. Slip one leg opening of the pull up over their foot, going underneath the pant leg, then work the whole brief up the inside of that pant leg toward the waist. Now take the other leg opening, slide it under the other pant leg, around that foot, and pull the brief up into place. That is it. The brief is on, the pants and shoes never came off, and your person stayed covered the entire time. Isn’t that great?
This is exactly why I like LivDry Protective Underwear for this: the sides are made to tear away, so the hack works every time instead of turning into a wrestling match with elastic. And a brief that fits well and holds more means fewer changes and less irritation for them. Fewer changes also means fewer chances for a hard moment.
When they stop using the toilet, look at the room first
When someone with dementia stops using the toilet, we tend to think they are refusing or being stubborn. A lot of the time, that is not what is happening. Dementia affects visual processing and depth perception, so a white toilet on a white floor against a white wall can genuinely disappear. A dark rug can look like a hole in the ground. A dim room hides the whole path.
They are not refusing. They cannot find it.
Try this before anything else: a red or dark toilet seat so the toilet stands out, no dark rugs, grab bars so they know where to reach, a clear path, and good lighting day and night. Change the room before you change your expectations of them.
Make nighttime trips shorter (or skip them)
The middle of the night trip is where a lot of falls happen. They are half asleep, you are half asleep, the lighting is bad, and the distance is long. So do not make the trip.
A bedside commode right next to the bed turns the whole thing into sit up, stand, pivot, sit. That is it. You can empty it in the morning, and that trade is worth it. For men, a urinal kept within reach of the bed or chair works the same magic: he can go right where he is and go back to sleep. So can you.
And for the nights when sleep matters more than trips, LivDry’s overnight protective underwear holds enough to actually make it to morning, with a gel core that pulls wetness away from the skin. Fewer wet sheets, fewer falls, more rest for both of you.
Check the physical before you assume the emotional
If your person is restless, irritable, refusing care, or just having a much harder day than usual, check the last time they had a bowel movement. Constipation hurts, and a person with dementia often cannot tell you that, so it comes out as pacing, refusing, or shutting down. I reach for prunes first, or prune juice warmed slightly, plus water through the day. Keep track of the days, and if it has been too long or their belly is hard, call the doctor.
Same rule for sudden new struggles in the bathroom: UTIs are notorious little troublemakers, and pain shows up in disguise. Sudden change means check the body first.
Protect the seats they love
If leaks are happening, protect the places they sit the most before it becomes a bigger problem. Washable incontinence pads on the recliner, the favorite chair, the couch, the car seat. They wash, they dry, you use them again. It is much easier to wash a pad than replace a couch. Mine was a recliner I loved.
You are doing better than you think
Bathroom care is the part of caregiving nobody talks about at dinner parties, and you are in there handling it with love and creativity. And if no one has told you lately, you are doing amazing.
The briefs I use and recommend
Every hack in this post works better when the brief itself is working with you, not against you. LivDry checks the boxes that matter: tear away sides for easier changes, a gel core that locks wetness away from the skin, and absorbency levels from daytime up to overnight so you can match the protection to the moment. If you want the link to the LivDry briefs I use and recommend, shop here. And if this helped, save it and share it with someone who needs it today.
This post is sponsored by LivDry. All opinions are my own. I only recommend products I trust and would use with my own caregiving families.
💜 Joanna