One of the biggest mistakes families make is assuming their person with dementia is refusing activities because they simply don’t want to participate. But here’s the truth. Sometimes it’s not the activity itself. Sometimes it’s all in how we’re introducing it.
You have more power than you realize. As a caregiver, your approach, your energy, and your creativity can completely transform how your loved one responds. I’ve spent years working with families to help their loved ones feel more comfortable, successful, and willing to engage without pressure, arguing, or forcing. Because the goal is never compliance. The goal is connection.
Here are 5 simple techniques you can start using today to get your person with dementia to say yes to activities. Try one, try them all, and watch what happens!
Technique #1: Make It Sound REALLY Exciting
Your energy is contagious, and that is a beautiful thing! If you approach an activity with genuine enthusiasm, your person is far more likely to want to join in. Think about how you’d invite someone to the most fun thing happening today. Use an upbeat tone, let your eyes light up, and let that excitement lead the way. You’d be amazed how much a shift in your energy alone can change the entire response you get.
Technique #2: Ask for “Help”
Here’s a little secret: your person with dementia likely still has a deep, beautiful desire to be useful and to contribute. Instead of inviting them to “do an activity,” try asking for their help. “Hey, can you help me with something?” is so much more powerful than “Would you like to do a puzzle?” This small shift taps into their sense of purpose and identity, and so often melts away any resistance. You are not just getting them to participate. You are making them feel needed. And that matters deeply.
Technique #3: Make It a Competition
A little friendly competition can spark so much joy! Many people respond incredibly well to a playful challenge, especially those who were naturally spirited or competitive in their earlier years. “Let’s see who can toss this balloon the highest!” or “I bet I can fold more napkins than you!” instantly turns an ordinary moment into something lively and fun. Don’t underestimate the power of play. It is truly one of the greatest gifts you can give.
Technique #4: Give Them a Choice
Offering a choice is one of the most respectful and empowering things you can do for your loved one. It says, I see you. I value your opinion. You matter here. Instead of leading with one option, try offering two: “Would you rather do this or that?” When someone feels in control of a decision, they are so much more likely to say yes and to show up fully. This small act of giving choice can be a real game changer.
Technique #5: Do It in Front of Them, Then Invite Them to Join
Sometimes the gentlest invitation is no invitation at all, at first! Simply start the activity yourself while they watch. Natural curiosity is a wonderful thing, and it often takes over all on its own. Begin bouncing a balloon, folding laundry, or sorting items right there in their presence, without any pressure. Then, casually and warmly say, “This is kind of fun. Want to give it a try?” Letting them observe first removes any pressure and makes joining feel like entirely their own idea. And that is a win for everyone.
You Are Doing Better Than You Think
Refusal doesn’t always mean “no forever.” It often means “not like this” or “not right now.” With the right approach, enthusiasm, purpose, play, choice, and a gentle invitation, you can open the door to genuine engagement and truly meaningful moments of connection. Every small moment of joy counts. Every laugh, every shared task, every spark of recognition is worth celebrating. You are making a difference, even on the hard days.
Ready for Hundreds More Dementia Activities Ideas?
If you are looking for even more ways to bring joy, connection, and engagement into your days together, my book “Bringing Joy Every Day” is packed with hundreds of dementia-friendly activities and engagement ideas designed to help you and your loved one thrive.
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This resource was created for you, the caregiver who shows up every single day with love. You deserve tools that actually work, and this book delivers just that. Don’t wait. Your next great day together is just one activity away!
For more tips, resources, and support on your caregiving journey, visit JoannaDementiaExpert.com