You donât wake up one day with a caregiver badge. Itâs something you step into, usually out of love, sometimes out of obligation, and almost always with zero training. If youâre just starting out, or even if youâre deep into the journey and wondering âIs it supposed to feel this hard?â, this oneâs for you.
đŹ 1. There is no âright way.â Only what works for you and your person.
Youâll get advice from doctors, books, strangers on Facebook⌠and maybe even your own siblings. But at the end of the day, the only plan that matters is the one that helps you and your person with dementia feel safer, calmer, and more connected.
đ 2. You will grieve before the goodbye.
You may start grieving when they forget your name. Or when they canât walk, canât eat, or canât be left alone anymore. This is called living grief, and itâs real. It doesnât mean youâre giving up. It means you love deeply.
đ ď¸ 3. Shortcuts arenât lazy. Theyâre smart.
Stop arguing with their reality. Learn the art of dementia redirection instead. Using disposable bed pads? Brilliant. Ordering dinner again? Do it. Asking for help before you collapse? Thatâs not weakness. Itâs wisdom. Stop measuring your worth by how much you suffer.
đŻ 4. You need a care team, even if youâre the only one doing the hands-on work.
Your care team might be:
- A neighbor who checks in
- A friend who texts daily
- A therapist, doctor, or online support group (especially helpful when handling sundowning and other tough behaviors)
- Me, showing up in your inbox and on TikTok
Caregiving isnât meant to be done in isolation. Build your team, however you can.
â¤ď¸ 5. The love is still there. It just looks different now.
Your person with dementia may not remember your name, but they can feel your energy. They may not say âI love youâ anymore, but they may light up when you enter the room, hum when you hold their hand, or smile when you sing their favorite song. This love⌠this connection⌠is still real. Itâs just being spoken in a new language now.
đ My reminder to every caregiver:
You are doing something sacred. It may feel messy, exhausting, and thankless, but it matters. You donât have to be perfect. You just have to keep showing up with heart. And if youâre reading this, you already are.
â New Caregiver FAQ
What should a new dementia caregiver do first?
Start by learning your personâs current abilities and triggers, not just their diagnosis. Set up a simple daily routine, find one trusted medical contact, and build at least one source of emotional support for yourself. You donât need to fix everything in week one.
How do you take care of someone with dementia at home?
Focus on safety, routine, and connection. Keep the environment calm and familiar, break tasks into small steps, use redirection instead of arguing, and plan for common challenges like sundowning and bathing resistance. Small changes to your home and schedule reduce stress for both of you.
Is it normal to feel grief while your person is still alive?
Yes. Itâs called living grief, and almost every dementia caregiver feels it. Grieving the version of your person who is fading doesnât mean you love them any less. It means youâre paying attention.
How do I avoid caregiver burnout?
Accept help early, not when youâre already exhausted. Build a small care team, use respite care when you can, and protect non-negotiable time for sleep, movement, and connection outside of caregiving. Burnout isnât a badge of honor, itâs a warning sign.
Where can I find dementia caregiver support?
Start with your local Alzheimerâs Association chapter, online support groups, and a therapist familiar with caregiver stress. Following dementia-focused creators and experts (like me on TikTok and in the Caregiver Boot Camp) gives you daily, practical tools you can use right away.
Want more support?
â Sign up for my Caregiver Boot Camp â Follow me on TikTok for daily support + strategies