Here’s to Kicking the Shit Out of Option B

💜 Sometimes life does not give us the version we wanted.

I think about that every Mother’s Day.

Sheryl Sandberg, the former COO of Facebook, wrote a book called Option B after her husband suddenly passed away while they were on vacation together. She was trying to figure out how to keep living life and raising her children while carrying unimaginable grief.

One day, there was a father daughter event coming up for her daughter. Someone suggested her daughter’s uncle take her instead.

And Sheryl said:

“I don’t want her uncle to take her. I want my husband to take her.”

Her friend looked at her and said:

“I know. But Option A is not available. So let’s kick the shit out of Option B.”

That quote stays with me, especially when I think about dementia, caregiving, and Mother’s Day.

Because this was not the plan.

Nobody planned for the Mother’s Day where their mom no longer remembers them.

Nobody planned to become the caregiver instead of the daughter.

Nobody planned to sit across from their mother and miss the woman she used to be, even while she is still physically here.

🫶 Dementia creates a kind of grief that people do not always understand.

You grieve in pieces.

You grieve slowly.

You grieve while still showing up every day to help, comfort, redirect, feed, advocate, and love.

And for some people, the grief looks different.

Maybe you miss the mom you once had.

Maybe you miss the relationship you used to have.

Maybe you are grieving the mother you never had at all.

That was not Option A.

But here you are.

Still showing up.

Still loving.

Still trying to create moments of connection in the middle of heartbreak.

✨ That is what kicking the shit out of Option B looks like.

It is not pretending everything is okay.

It is not pretending grief is inspiring or beautiful.

It is choosing to keep loving anyway.

So if Mother’s Day feels heavy this year, you are not alone. 💜

And I hope you give yourself credit for surviving a version of life you never planned for.

Because that takes strength too.

🌿 If grief and dementia have changed your family, I created resources to help support you through it. My Grief and Dementia PDF and training video walk through the complicated emotions that come with loving someone who is still here, while grieving the changes dementia brings.

You can find them here.

Sending love to every caregiver, daughter, son, spouse, grandchild, and family member carrying both love and grief this Mother’s Day. 💕